Muffy and the Vampire Slayers
by Teri
Summary: A new book gets Dawn's attention and takes it home to share with Buffy and Joyce. Why is she so excited about it? The book is called "Muffy and the Vampire Slayers."


Muffy and the Vampire Slayers

By Teri

Summary: A new book gets Dawn's attention and takes it home to share with Buffy and Joyce. Why is she so excited about it? The book is called "Muffy and the Vampire Slayers." I'd like to read it, how about you?

Setting: Somewhere before Joyce died, but after graduation. 

Disclaimer: Buffy, Joyce, Dawn, Xander and the rest of the Scooby gang belong sadly to Joss Weldon and Mutant Enemy. All the original characters are the property of the author. No harm is intended to the copyright holder through the use of these characters. This was written for my amusement and hopefully the enjoyment of others.

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"Buffy!" Dawn came running into the house. "Mom!" 

"Dawn, what is it?" Joyce asked seeing that her daughter was excited about something. 

Buffy walked-in just in time to hear Dawn begin a very believable Willow impression of talking without breathing. 

"Oh, Mom. During study hall I saw Theresa. She was reading a book and was really enjoying it. I asked her what it was and she told me -- and you will never believe it. Not in a million years. I mean I never would have dreamed." 

"Breathe, Dawnie." Buffy smiled.

Joyce continued, "What book has you so excited?"

Dawn handed her mother the book who read the cover "Muffy and the Vampire Slayers?"

"What?" Buffy yelled as she grabbed the book and read it herself. "Muffy . . . " she said softly.

"Here I have marked some passages you all should hear, Okay?" Dawn said excitedly.

The three Summers women sat down and Dawn began to read: "'Muffy and the Vampire Slayers' This novel is a sequel to the critically acclaimed novel 'The Slayer' which was number one on the New York Times Best Seller List for 16 consecutive weeks. 'The Slayer' was a story of Muffy, a typical valley-girl type, who had a destiny to slay vampires along with her watcher Erik and friend Tyke."

"Nice summary don't you think?" Dawn grinned and continued. "In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. . . . Well, that's the way it always was until Muffy and her band of 'Merry Men'. So, in this generation there is a Chosen few and together they stand against the evils of the world."

"Buffy, could the watchers have written the book? Perhaps try to lose the truth in fiction?" Joyce asked.

"I can't imagine it." Buffy said still stunned.

"Shh . . . Let me keep reading " Dawn said and then began to read again. 

"Now slayers weren't suppose to have help. Muffy's watcher Terrence Miles has told her numerous times that being a slayer was suppose to be a sacred trust and more importantly a secret identity, but Muffy had never subscribed to the Batman school of superheroes. So after being in Snowy Hill for just less then a full school day, two people already knew her secret. There was the shy, redheaded, Holly Richards and then the goofy, good-natured, Alex Morgan. It was Alex who dubbed the group the Merry Band after Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. Miles had been surprised that the boy was intelligent enough to come-up with a literary allusion, while Holly smiled knowing that her best friend since kindergarten was simply a fan of 'Robin Hood Men in Tights.'"

"Poor Xander, even in the books he doesn't come-off well." Joyce shook her head with a soft chuckle. 

"Snowy Hill? Holly? Alex? Terrence Miles? Who on earth would write this?" Buffy asked. 

"A. Jesse Calendar," Dawn read off. "Here let me keep reading."

"Muffy with the help of gal-pal Holly were trying desperately to prevent her mother Elaine Winters from running into Principal Quark. Of course, this would be hard because it was parent-teacher night and well the whole point of the evening." Dawn paused and flipped the page "Axe, also known as Edgar the Bloody, was a vampire known for his century long reign of terror and the only vampire to ever kill two slayers. He decided to attack the slayer during this night rather than waiting as was originally planned."

"Principal Quark? Like in that Bartender on DS9?" Buffy asked.

Dawn was surprised, "Buffy, I don't think you knew anything about Star Trek."

"You learn things spending time with Xander. I guess it fits Snyder." Buffy giggled trying to picture her principal as a Ferengi. 

"I guess I didn't make out to bad. Elaine Winters - not bad." Joyce smiled. "I just can't picture Spike as an Edgar." 

"The Axe man cometh . . . " Dawn said dramatically before turning a couple of pages and continuing to read. "Muffy, Holly, and Alex were drafted by Principal Quark to escort younger children trick-or-treating. Muffy dressed as an old-fashioned lady, Holly a ghost, and Alex as a soldier. It was a fun Halloween until everyone turned in to their costumes."

"They brought that up?" Buffy moaned. Joyce and Dawn smiled. 

"Terrence tracked down the sorcerer who caused the mayhem. He entered Nathan's costume shop and was greeted with deep English tones, 'Hello Terror'."

"Terror?" Joyce laughed. She got a far-a-way look on her face and then smiled "That would work.

"TMI." Buffy blushed. "Dawn read more."

Dawn smiled and complied. "The Merry Band finally found their werewolf. It was a surprise to find that it was Holly's new boyfriend, Rix. The group found it even more surprising that his real name was Scott Hendrix. The group had known him since Halloween and they had never known his real name. 'You're name is Scott? Man that is evil. Scott? Evil.' Alex had grinned when he found out. No one had understood Alex's joke as was usual, except Rix who smiled and replied, 'Yeah Baby.'" 

By now Buffy was laughing so hard she could hardly breath. "They are implying that Oz is Scott Evil from Austin Powers?"

"He does sort of look like him Buffy." Dawn pointed out.

"There is no way anyone could ever take any of this seriously Buffy." Joyce added. "I think your secret identity is safe." 

Dawn continued to read. "Axe had kidnapped Holly and Alex. When Rix and Victoria found them, Holly and Alex were kissing. Victoria was so hurt she ran, falling, and impaling herself on a metal pole." Dawn turned a few pages. "Victoria was devastated and her pain unknowingly attracted Emenka, a vengeance demon." Dawn turned a page. "Reality was restored and Emenka became human."

"So Anya makes an appearance." Buffy stated. "This person sure knows about our group. I didn't know anyone outside the Scoobies," glancing at her mother, "and honorary Scoobies knew anything about that incident."

"Buffy?" Joyce asked. "Could this be written by someone who was part of your group?"

"Never!" Buffy said definitively.

Dawn began reading again. "Alex fell in with a gang of Zombies. Proof that someone was looking out for our band of Heroes. For if it had not been for Alex, the Zombie leader would have caused the school and therefore the Hellmouth to explode. He saved the world." Dawn stopped reading and spoke for herself. "I picked this passage because I don't remember ever hearing about Xan and Zombies." 

"I don't either. What else does it say about that night?" Buffy asked. 

"Let's see. . . " Dawn said. "Oh it says that Alex saved Hope's life and then they slept together." 

"Well, Xan slept with Faith the night the Sisterhood of Jhe tried to open the Hellmouth, but I told Xander to stay home so it looks like we finally found some fiction." Buffy decided and told Dawn to keep reading. Joyce wasn't as convinced.

"OK. This is the teaser at the end of the book:"

"After graduation, Hope decided to seek her redemption in Los Angeles. She had made mistakes, but wanted to atone and Muffy wanted her to atone away from Snowy Hill. Her former watcher, Leslie Lionel-Baines decided to follow her to LA. He had plans to work as a Rogue Demon Hunter. Victoria Valance also set out for LA for a completely different reason. She expected to find fame and fortune as an actress. To read more about Hope, Les, and Vicki checkout the spin-off series of books beginning with 'Hope: A New Beginning'

"In the Fall, Muffy, Holly, and Rix start college. Alex will return from his trip of self-discovery. Miles is no longer the High School Librarian. How will the group dynamic change? What path will Alex's life take? What choices will Miles make now no longer a watcher? How will Muffy accept Miles' growing relationship with Mrs. Winters? Muffy meets new character Arnold Gill. She thinks he is the love her life. Is he? Or is he just a fish out of water? Can she trust him? What will happen to Holly and Rix' relationship when they meet Mara McNamara? Can their love survive? Will Miles strangle Alex if he calls him T-man one more time? Find out next time in 'Muffy and the Vampire Slayers - The College Years'"

"Oh my," was all Joyce could manage.

Buffy had a thoughtful look on her face. "Well, some things are wrong. Hope. . . er. . . Faith didn't go to LA. She is in a coma. That bit with the Zombies is obvious fiction. Obviously, Riley can be trusted. There is no Angel character. And biggest thing of all, my mother and Giles do NOT have a relationship."

Dawn smiled. "We need to share this with the others." 

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Hope someone enjoyed this!!

Teri


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